


companion

by orphan_account



Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, First Kiss, M/M, basically my thoughts on the whole simon dippin on the clan, post S1
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-31
Updated: 2016-12-31
Packaged: 2018-09-13 15:54:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,015
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9131311
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: “I'm disappointed in you.” The words ring hollow, false against Raphael’s throat. No. Disappointed doesn’t even begin to cover it; what he feels is closer to pain.(And pain is something he hasn't felt in a while.)





	

**Author's Note:**

> Soz it's a mess it's been sitting in my drive for so long !

“I'm disappointed in you.” The words ring hollow, false against Raphael’s throat. No. Disappointed doesn’t even begin to cover it; what he feels is closer to pain.

 

(And pain is something he hasn't felt in a while.)

 

That Simon was so quick to dismiss his family, his clan. So quick to dismiss Raphael. It feels like a blow to the chest.

 

Something ugly stirs inside him when he sees Camille standing behind Simon and the Shadowhunters. Her coy smile raises bile in his throat; Raphael feels sick.

 

When he sees Simon, he sees the idiot boy who managed (despite Raphael’s best efforts) to wake something in his dead heart.

 

(He sees the vampire who tripped during training but didn’t give up, and on the rare occasion he did manage to pin Raphael, he sees the stupidly infatuating grin. But that isn't important.)

 

Raphael feels cheated.

 

“I'm disappointed in you,” he doesn’t mean it, but he still forces himself to grind out the lie.

 

He's angry.

 

He's angry.

 

He's angry.

 

And then, a couple of hours later when he's sprawled across the couch at DuMort, he's tired.

 

—

 

Simon’s back by dawn the next day, fangs sheathed impulsively. He smiles, though it’s more of a quirk of his lips.

 

“You dare show your face, traitor?” Raphael snarls, stalking over to Simon, their faces inches apart. Raphael can see how his tentative smile slips at the traitor, being replaced by a certain type of stubbornness that Raphael had come to know intimately.

 

“Raphael, I –”

 

“I should kill you right here,” he growls, jabbing Simon harshly in the chest.

 

Simon doesn't take a step back; instead he moves forward, close enough that their noses press together.

 

“Listen, Raphael,” he says sharply causing Raphael to look up into his eyes. His gaze is unsure but unwavering.

 

“No, fledgling, you listen,” Raphael sneers, suddenly putting some distance between themselves. He's suffocating in Simon’s presence. It's too much, being so close to him so suddenly.

 

“You betrayed us.” He looks away, “you betrayed me.”

 

There is no bite left in his tone, no anger. Not for the first time that night, Raphael feels his age.

 

“Raphael, for fucksake just listen,” Simon’s gaze falters now, his eyes flicker with hesitance, “I think I love you.”

 

Raphael snaps up, eyes narrowed, retracting abruptly from Simon as if he's as bright and painful as the sun.

 

What a sick thing to say, Raphael’s mind sputters.

 

“Don't say what you don't mean,” Raphael spits and turns to leave. His heart (no matter how useless and unfeeling) can't take anymore strain today.

 

“I wouldn’t have said it if I didn't,” Simon’s voice is quiet and Raphael stops at the door, fists clenched.

 

He should leave. Simon is a traitor not only to him but to the clan. He deserves punishment.

 

He should leave.

 

He has to.

 

His heart frantically builds the defenses again, as high as skyscrapers and sealed off to make sure no stupid, fleeting emotions get in through the cracks again.

 

“I love you.” The words ring in his ears and snake up his defenses. They crumble against his will.

 

_I love you too, idiot._

Raphael strides to Simon and stops before he gets too close. He scans Simon’s eyes; he doesn't know what he's looking for (dishonesty, lies, insincerity) but whatever it is he doesn't find it.

 

“I –” the words don't form.

 

Instead he yanks Simon down by the collar of his jacket and pulls him into a bruising kiss.

 

Simon jumps into it immediately, fingers scrabbling against Raphael’s waist and pulling him so close that if his heart pumped, Raphael could feel it against his chest. He shudders, nipping gently at Simon’s bottom lip and with a soft noise he opens up, pliant.

 

They don't have to pull apart, breathing isn't an issue but Raphael does it anyway, sucking in a sharp breath.

 

“ _Dios_ , Simon,” he murmurs, one hand cupping Simon’s jaw and the other resting absently on his shoulder.

 

“Hey,” Simon’s fingers tip Raphael’s chin up and he struggles to stay still. It's… intimate.

 

“I shouldn't have left you like that,” Simon says earnestly, voice low and meant only for Raphael’s ears.

 

“You're damn right.” He can't ignore what Simon did and even if he finds it in himself to forgive him, Raphael can't say the same for the clan. Simon’s fingers press harder into the grooves of Raphael’s hip and he presses a gentle kiss to Raphael’s temple.

 

It's too much. The intimacy.

 

Raphael pulls himself out of the embrace; Simon looks hurt, momentarily confused before his face returns to normal.

 

“I can't excuse it,” Raphael sighs. He struggles for a moment, wondering whether he should leave or touch Simon. After a second he moves closer and wraps his arms around Simon’s neck. He can feel Simon’s breath against his cheek and he inhales slowly.

 

“Can we,” he hesitates, “can we not talk about it right now?” Simon looks nervous as he speaks and Raphael can't help but raise an eyebrow.

 

“I just found out my crush likes me back,” he smiles, this time it’s true and bright and Raphael feels the corners of his own mouth pull up slightly.

 

He wants to forget this, too. It seems easy enough right now with just the two of them as the sun appears and colours the sky with orange and purple.

 

“Okay.” Raphael replies, nudging Simon’s mouth into another kiss. It's slower this time, Simon licks into Raphael’s mouth with a sense of curiosity, pulling a breathy moan from Raphael’s threat. Simon deepens the kiss, fingers tight in Raphael’s hips, scrambling slightly over the fabric of his dress shirt. He manages to pull the shirt out of where it’s tucked in Raphael’s pants, nipping slightly at Raphael's lip.

 

He can feel Simon’s cold fingers rub soothingly at his hipbones and he pushes into the touch. They stand in silence and alone in each other's company. Something pleasant stirs inside him, travelling up his spine and buzzing in his heart. He feels good.

 

“Okay,” he says again and this time he means it.

**Author's Note:**

> Anyway that was 1000x extra than it needed to be but ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯


End file.
